Fans of Zeeshan Sajwani need not read this

On more than one occasion I have received email from a Zeeshan Sajwani who, as a search on the internet will show, is a prolific writer of articles, a speaker at conferences, and a lot more.

What does he talk about? Well, in the interest of remaining civil and polite, I'd describe it as crap. It's the usual self-help shit that uses a lot of words to say very little, if anything at all. Here's an extract from one of his speeches, with the title LIFE IS LIKE PREGNANCY: Problems are like pregnancy, they grow until presence is obvious.

Ladies and Gentlemen, recently I had a problem to face and I did. I cannot discuss that problem here but it was very common and I can feel that particular problem in hundreds of you today. I know you people might not be interested to listen to my problems but let’s see the solution. The best thing to come out from thoughts is to mediate.

I wont’ take more than five minutes of you. Meditation is something we organize through and in our minds. The best exercise to fight against thoughts is to communicate with your thoughts. Get more into them. Think more about it. Feel it. Cry for it. Go sad about it. Get more into your thoughts. Take off for two or three days from your office. Don’t shave. Don’t iron your dress.

And than one day you will be able to accept that fact. The fact of life. The fact that happened to you for whatsoever good reasons. The fact with whom you have to live with and the fact of your entire past, presence and future.

Mr. Sajwani also explains things in the oddest of ways, as the beginning of his article, The Logic of Dreams, will show:

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream but when we are dreaming with
others, it is right beginning of the reality.

I raise a question right here in the beginning of this chapter. People talk about their everyday dreams and fantasies. Before, we begin talking about dreams, I would love to ask that should we have dreams?

Well, I make a political answer right here both in Yes and No. I personally feel that one should not have dreams because when they don't get turned into the reality; it hurts. But if we don't have dreams, we nearly don't have a vision or an objective to live. Now it personally depends on us to have them or not to have them.

The word "Dream", is not exactly like it is mostly self-interpreted. There are many kind of dreams, of which one is the dream that we sketch ourselves during the preparing time to sleep. The other one that comes itself in the mid of our deep sleeps.

Lets begin with talking about self-sketched dreams. Most of us believe and practice this exercises before getting into deep sleeps. What do we construct? Well, everyone has his or her own set of desires. When it comes to me, I desire for a healthy family life but may when it comes to you, you may have desires to have a good job, education for children, going abroad or fantasies of your love life.

The fact that you may believe or deny, It is that every self-sketched dream turns into reality, but it takes some time. Let me be clear more on it. If I desire to be in arms of my loved one, and I practice this self-sketched dream everyday; the vibration of my thoughts take direction towards my loved one and transfer the message to her or him in telepathic codes.

Describing the same universal truth, The Source of Gravity explains that everything that has weight comes right down towards earth but everything that has no weight flies right towards the Sky. Gas and Sound Pollution is the right example flies all in the direction of sky.

The whole article is worth reading if you are looking for unintentional humour. But the topper in this category, so far, has been his piece called Out of Box Thinking which I beseech you to read in full. Do keep a printout handy to whip out and read when needing inspiration.

Today I received an email from him that contained a long article, of which the opening is quoted below:

The Naked Bond - A Relationship Journey
By: Zeeshan Sajwani

Dating and marriage is different than it was twenty years ago. In today's society, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes "commitment" seem scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges, people quit trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone at a deeper level. For married couples, divorce is not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the outcome can be the same.

Think of it like choosing a car. You pick out the make, model, year, color, and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your car for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice. However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and make it work. It is the same for marriage. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work.

There could be thousands of things we can do to better our relationship. To help get us headed in the right direction, below are few ways to build, strengthen, and enhance our relationship.

He signs this piece off with: "Many thanks for heading yourself for an effective relationship. Let me take a break right here. There is a lot more for only those who intend to read more about The Naked Bond. If you wish to read the complete copy of The Naked Bond, write me an email and I'll send you the complete version ... You will not be asked to pay for it."

"His linguistic ability certainly seems to have improved", I thought to myself. Unless, of course, it's a cut/paste/alter job. A little search revealed this.

Dear Mr Sajwani: I liked the hilarious English ones better. At least they were original!